Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Fashion dreams, no-pants nightmares

Last night I dreamed I was in fashion design school, apparently because law school had not worked out. We were told to dress in our best interpretation of Dior that we could come up with out of our closets, but I just wore what I had on, which, for some reason, was khakis with an untucked oxford shirt and an argyle sweater. I got laughed at. Then they picked models out of the group, and I noticed how very thin all of them were, and then I got laughed at some more for being fat. Gov. Sanford's wife, incognito, won the modeling contest.

More fashion; lots of leggings were involved. I personally put together an outfit that looked like the uniform of a space marine, for which, oddly, I was not laughed at. Then the dream went all science-fictiony, which is something I am more comfortable with even when unconscious.

I woke up feeling like I'd read Vogue or something, which never helps my self-esteem. Actually I've only read Vogue a few times, and that only at doctor's offices or hair salons - most of what I know about it comes from my favorite site Jezebel, which has an occasional feature called LOLVogue. I am more familiar with the "Ten Tips for Terrific Toenails" style of ladymag. But they are of the same ilk. The TTTT variety just tries to make you feel bad about not being celebrities, whereas the fashion mags make you feel bad about not being couture models.

Anyway: weird dream complete with fashion, body image, and career issues, which makes it not a bad way to start out my whiny blog about my fighting/catering to said issues. I don't know how current events got in there, but she was going by Senny Janford and no one at fashion school was fooled.


Okay, now it's just weird. Jezebel just posted photos from a Dior show. Not like I knew what the line was when I had my bizarre fashion-dream last night, but now I am assured khaki pants do not come into it. Complete lack of pants, yes. Also giant feather hats that look like mutant giant Gerbera daisies. Pretty awesome, actually, if you like that sort of thing.

Re: no pants. In college we had a No Pants Day, in which the freshman guys hung out on the dorm stoop in their boxers, and I still remember the "No pants is fun for everyone" song Steve made up. Now it's not just fun but fashionable. Which worries me because leggings are everywhere and count as no pants, and as I learned very well in the early 90s, chubby short people with upside-down cones for legs should not wear leggings. Even with an oversized Tasmanian Devil T-shirt that covers your butt. Ditto for skinny jeans, although at least people are not tightrolling them again. I will have to continue to feel untrendy in my bootcuts. An oxford shirt and argyle sweater will complete the look.

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