Friday, March 25, 2011

The examined life, or youngish woman talking about herself

So pushing two years after that last post, and guess what jeans I am wearing today? That are way more comfortable than I thought they were and look great with boots?

Don't laugh. At least they're pants.

Why start blogging now, after starting this thing with the best of intentions and then not touching it for nearly two years? Truth is, I did start. I just deleted everything I wrote. I'd let it sit there for a day or two, smug in my knowledge that no one would actually read it but they could if they wanted to, and one night I'd wake up in a cold sweat with visions of trolls and anti-trolls dancing in my head and take the post down. (You know the anti-trolls. They're the ones who start their comments with "HOW DARE YOU." The ones who are so painfully earnest, so enragedly dedicated in their defense of a perfectly valid point, that they don't realize they've become what they hate. I, of course, have never done this, and anyone who disagrees is a heartless monster who deserves what they get.)

Meanwhile, everyone around me is oversharing - my husband's video game blog, my best friend's Facebook obsession, my twentysomething coworkers tweeting what they had for lunch, as if they won't be able to digest it until everyone is aware that they ate it. I cringe from this stuff. I'm an introvert, almost painfully so, and I live in fear of a reputation economy like in Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom, because if how much people like you determines your worth, I will be living penniless in an unfurnished cell and even the elevators won't stop for me. And it's not that I'm not likable. I'm pretty cool when I'm not on my guard - I'm just on my guard all the time. Because I believe, deep down, that no one wants to hear what I have to say.

Well, fuck that. I have needs, too. I want in on the overshare. Perhaps it'll help me barrel past this social anxiety. (See? Already oversharing! Whee! I've been wearing these pants for two days and I'm gonna wear them tomorrow too! All I have on my iPod is synthpop and the Indigo Girls! This is fun!)

So you're gonna read my blog and you're gonna like it. Because it's the Internet and even the shittiest piece of puerile crap has people who think it's great. Case in point:

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